Femme Fatale :)

Thursday, August 30, 2012

A lot of things has been making me busy these past few days...

but then I realized that there is nothing more fulfilling than coming home tired and busy (most of the days) but still having that genuine feeling inside of you because you enjoy the things you do. :)

Love knows no distance

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

You don't have to see each other to be more inlove...
I can tell you more about that later.

YOU'RE IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP? that's good. Now be strong! :)

Not everyone could be in a long distance relationship. It takes real patience, great understanding and two grown ups with enormous love for each other and genuine willingness to work things out. Not to mention, a lot of prayers and strong faith for it to last.

I've had 2 long distance rel before this, but none of it worked out. After my last one --I swore to close my heart for any chance of long distance love. It just wasn't for me.

Being in a relationship alone is hard enough to keep what more when put in a long distance relationship? Oh boy you have no idea. It's like trying to live life with your imaginary boyfriend just to keep you sane everyday.

When my last one didn't work out, I used to blame myself for it, I was devastated and keep on asking myself what I did wrong.. I've been into 2 long distance relationship and terribly fail at it.. I hated myself and my guts. I then have become bitter and angry of love, of this kind of relationship, angry of myself and I feared it would be like that forever. But then I was wrong.. God has a better plan for me.. I realized that he wanted to test me, to test my faith towards him and to accept this kind of life that he has given me.

I believe God is the author of life, he had carefully written and planned everything for us including our love stories.. and mine just happened to be in a long distance rel. And God didn't want me to give-up on something that he has chosen for me. If I had given up on long distance love after failing at it twice, I don't think I would be this happy and contented. I don't think I would be this full in spirit and strong in love. Being in a long distance relationship is my fate and it helped me to become a better person. It changed me. A lot.

I now realized why it didn't work out for me before.. perhaps, it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe I was doing it wrong. Maybe God wanted me to experience the most honest and pure joy that I wouldn't get in my previous rel. Now it was all clear to me.. I wasn't doing it wrong, I was just in the wrong time, wrong place, inlove with the wrong people and wasting my energy and emotion to a love that wasn't even meant to be.

AND God had let me out. I'm glad He did.

Being in a long distance relationship is hard, we all know that.. but it doesn't really have to be hard enough, you just have to focus on some things that makes life worth it. Yes, it's completely insane to be far away from someone you wouldn't trade for anything in this world, every moment of the day is not the same without them. You miss the hugging, kissing, cuddling, cheesy name callings, etc that makes your day better. We all do.. we miss them, sure. But life has to move-on.

Keep yourself busy and find something you're good at-- no, it doesn't mean you have to forget about them.. but just keep your days busy with other things. It'll help you not only to forget the 'missing feeling' but it will also help you to become a better person. What could be nicer than developing deep self love huh? You have to be complete in yourself first and take care of yourself before you can develop real love to others. Surviving a long distance relationship involves deep self love before anything else. This will be your strength and foundation so you won't lose some turns along the way. So me, that's exactly what I've been trying to do lately, I've been trying to keep myself busy as much as possible with school, with improving myself and finding what other things I'd like to do because I know I have to. I have this tendency to be needy and annoying especially when I'm bored.. and with my experience? It didn't really help me that much.

I guess more importantly, above anything else.. you have to trust each other and have a big faith in God. King has been really good at reminding me about this one, he's been there to remind me all the time that I need to be positive if I want this thing to work. That I need to trust God and let Him work in our relationship and to not worry about anything. Having an honest and constant open communication is also the main key to survive this kind of rel.


You don't have to see each other to be more in love.. you just have to have a commitment and genuine love towards each other to make this work effortlessly even between the distance.

My heavy heart, forgives.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Here I am sitting by the window watching the heavy rain outside... feeling the strong breeze as it gently blew across my face, I am looking at the gloomy weather. What a sight..

Where are you Mr. Sunshine?

My heart is too heavy. I am in the midst of a breakdown.

What do these people know about me? nothing..

What do they know about my upbringing? nothing..

What do they know about what I've been through? nothing..

What do they know about my life, my feelings, my conscience, me as a person, my soul, my integrity, my moral values in life, my faith in God, my heart? nothing..

But why do these people talk as if they know everything about me?
Why do they have to go against me and try to pull me down?

My friends would say, perhaps, it's Jealousy.

But I don't think I am that great enough for people to get jealous about me, Infact I don't think I have an interesting life. I am no celebrity nor an important person, I don't even have an audience to please, for fecks sake! I don't even consider myself as rich and popular. But why do these people got some hots for me? Acting like retard freaks, exerting their efforts and energy by ruining me as a person, making fake accounts, spreading rumors to my friends and to other people, sending me hate mails. etc.. as if I have a name to protect. Am I really that important to these people? Do they even have their own lives?

They can say it's purely jealousy but for me it's their lack of respect and maturity thereof. These people don't even know how to respect their parents, their friends, the people around them and neither God. These people probably didn't get hugged enough as a child. Cause if they were complete in love and know the word respect they wouldn't even run their mouths and say bad things to people that they practically don't even know. The word of God is so clear:
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29
If I had'nt known this verse in the Bible, I would probably be just like them now. Gossiping and pointing fingers to people who are so much better than me. But I know God and I respect him, I have a big love for him and his words so I have decided to shut my mouth (for a year now) and just basically lifted up everything to him. All to his power and grace.. God says that I need only to be still and he will fight for me. So I am trusting his words. For a year, I have chosen not to speak.. because these people used to be my friends, friends who betrayed me and hated me secretly for years just because of these things I have (material things.. iphone, blackberry, dslr, cellphones, random gifts from friends etc.) Incestuous cousins who practically blamed us for everything, why their forbidden love came out. God knows what really happened. He knows my heart and who's telling the truth.We all know what happened and what you did.. You can compare my timeline to your timeline, your tweets to my tweets, your actions to my actions. I DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG. nor have I created any faux accounts. Because I am NOT coward. I did not create any fake accounts, not a single one. I swear on my grave and on my life, I didn't do whatever you have accused me of doing. Y'all know that damn well that everything was just plain accusations and your own little school girl drama and petty games to play on people's minds. False rumors so I would feel alienated to my friends, even to my boyfriend. I don't have to tell every details because y'all know what you've been doing to me to my family and friends for the past whole year.

It fascinates me how such people can do these things to someone though? What do they think about before they go to sleep? Do they even pray to God? Do they even have the guts to call on God?

and to some...

How can you possible use such power to try and pull people down? I may have done something bad in the past like the rest of us but that doesn't mean I am a terrible person, that you can hate my being and judge me as if we're living in the same roof. How can someone judge people way too fast? Why do people have to badmouth others just to feel good about themselves? Why can't they just let others be?

I can talk for hours after hours here but people will still remain deaf and blind. I know I shouldn't worry about what other people might think of me, they don't even know me.. not one bit. For me, people who listen to bad rumors are nothing but one of them.. just the thought of you taking the word of mouth instead of going to the source says a lot about how two birds with the same feather flocks together.

As a friend of mine Marquis once told me,
"A wise man once told never argue with fools. Cos people from a distance can't tell who is who."

I guess, I just have to be thankful that I did so many great things to my friends and to other people around me that they don't even dare to believe any bad rumors about me. I am thankful that I have proven myself good enough to these people and have shown my good heart to them as a reflection of my fear towards God. Because I am human. I believe we were created by God in his own image, therefore we should act according to his likeness. So here I am, still trying to act as humanly as possible because I want to get the same respect from these people. Moreso, I am thankful that I am not the bad guy here, God knows what I did and did not do.. and I am thankful for everything that would still come my way. I am still blessed with friends, with amazing people who cares for me and supports me in everything I do. I am still so much loved and still getting enough respect that it evens up for me. And most especially, God loves me.
I don't care about all of these, I should be past caring now.. I should act like the bigger person here because I am the one who knows the word of God. I have forgiven them a long time ago, by the fact of not stooping down and getting even, I know I have forgiven them by the amount of prayers I have spoken for them. I know I have forgiven them by the amount of tears that was shed whenever I think about our old memories together. I know I have a heavy heart right now, but I have forgiven them. 

I have been able to forgive like this because God has forgiven me.

All I need to do now is to pray for them some more, because that's what they need right now. They need prayers, genuine prayers for the amount of karma that will eventually come their way. 

May God bless your soul..

My life will still continue though.

I'd totally ship me!

Monday, August 6, 2012

I've been having so many great accomplishments these past few days and I can't thank God enough for everything. I want to high-five myself and pat my back and say "Good job trina!" Yay. go me.

I don't even wanna sound any air-headed here or what not, but I am just so proud of me for helping myself to excel. To do things beyond my limit, to excel in things that I never thought I could..

Looking back, I used to be so naive and just basically existing to exist. A waste of air and space. I used to be so empty.. but then I saved myself. I have been resurrected from the dead me and I have rescued myself with the help and grace of God to the new and better me.

For all these times, I have mastered the game of saving yourself from your own stinky old self. The answer? LOVE YOURSELF. At the end of the day, people will always leave you, mock you, do things to you that are bad, will badmouth about you, friends will be fakers, boyfriends will cheat, guys will make you cray. But at the end of the day, these things won't matter to you at all if you have a genuine love for your own self. Who cares if you feel so alone? You love yourself, therefore, You are going to have a pink bubble bath tonight and wear your red silky dress to sleep. Celebrate your self love instead of sulking into being alone.

Forgive yourself, woman! It doesn't matter whether you are single since birth or in a relationship. Just love yourself. Don't waste your time thinking about how incapable you are of things. Trust me, the "future you"  is probably looking at you right now and shaking her head while saying, "If you only knew how much I'd like you to meet me. To show you how much of a person you have become and all of your great accomplishments in life. I bet, you wouldn't just sit there and tell yourself that you are nothing." So get up brave one! put your pink sweats and run for your life. Live to a better you. Start now.

I know I am just probably repeating myself, but trust me, I also had my own ups and down, my own blue balloon kind of day, but hey! I have saved myself from sulking around my own mistakes. I have striven to only better myself and I didn't let any ungrateful people to get the best of me by trying to belittle me. Cause truthfully, these people pick on you for a reason, that is because you are so much better than them.. Don't fight them off or even stoop down to their level by mocking their deeds. The greatest way for you to get even is to forget about them, let them drown in envy along with their own bitterness in life as they watch you live. Watch you live such a beautiful life that is so far from theirs.

In this article "In His eyes" - I think this will somehow help you to understand fully your worth and why you should value yourself because God just simply created us in His likeness, therefore-- we are valuable. We are His masterpiece, He created us to excel in things. So don't just settle for "enough", enough that you are living, enough that someone loves you, enough that you are breathing, No. Enough is good, yes.. but being complete is even better.

I'm not saying that we should all be perfect.. It's alright to feel bad about yourself, we all had those days wherein our best is to simply just eat a whole box of pizza or devoured in our favorite Ice cream.

What I'm saying is, let's try to live a balanced life.

You can always feel bad about yourself but tomorrow will always be another day.. Another day to make a change. To begin again. Stop feeling guilty. Commit to have a better view in life and tell yourself that "Yesterday was a bad day, heck it was! but today will be a better one." Instead of saying "Yesterday was a bad day, I hate my life! I was never really good enough." Accept forgiveness my dear friends, accept growth.. accept your weakness and try to strengthen it, welcome it and embrace it with so much understanding. Never ever wake-up one day and forgetting how it feels like to be happy. You're alive, you have a chance to live so stop acting dead. Never ever abandon yourself, your future, or even your dreams. Just never.

It's time to evolve my friends.

I myself is a better person now and I would totally ship me!
Cheers to the new ME, us. :)

"God didn't create any of us to be average. He didn't make us to barely get by. We were created to excel."

Love & Blessings!
Trina x 
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